He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
