so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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