So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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