awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
