Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
