life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
