dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
