life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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