I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
