I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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