Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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