Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Congratulations! We have a period
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