38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
