Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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