I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
