There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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