that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
