Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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