I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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