I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
