Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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