Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
