the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Boobs speak an international language.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
