laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
