i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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