if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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