I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
