just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
