yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
