How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
