First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
