dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Houston, we have a squirter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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