yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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