CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
