My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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