his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
