totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
