Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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