she woke up with a sticky ear
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
