Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ttyl tear gas
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
