I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
