I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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