drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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