Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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