my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
