Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
