My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
