McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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