smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
