I wanna bring you to show and tell
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
