Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
