apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
