I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
