haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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