She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
