If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
