You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
