We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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