You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
