yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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