I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
