just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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