hell yes lets make some ravioli
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize