After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
