do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
