Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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