i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
