i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
