Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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