I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
