Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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