Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
