You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
