the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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