i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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