Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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