i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
