I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This toilet bowl is my home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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