He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
