i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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